Taking the Bull By the Horns.

Today I told a boy something I should've told him three months ago. I told him that I loved him from the very first day.

He told me he's been planning to break up with me for a week.

The thing is though, that's why I said it. I knew I couldn't let this go til I told him. I knew something was up. I knew it was going to happen. I said to my best friend on the phone last night "some one's going to get dumped tomorrow". He said "No, no, usually when I break up with a girl we get closer, almost to make up for it". I told him, "Well, we'll see, won't we?".
We did.

I've come to realise, the rejection didn't hurt. I can't change his feelings. Although I don't think it was very nice of him to turn around and say "Well yeah, I've only ever sorta like you.." especially considering I let HIM pursue, not the other way around. He can't go back on that argument, I wouldn't have the balls to ask someone out. His feelings though, "are neither right nor wrong, they simply are".

Some parts of me are happy it's turned out this way, however lonely I feel right now.


On a side note, what kinda knob lets a girl go home from town on her own, late at night, the night before Hallowe'en, doesn't even bother to help her find her friends but then only texts her when he's on the way back from a club "oh sorry for blah blah blah" but not "oh did you get home okay?". He doesn't know that I did find my friends, or that I did get home okay. People sometimes.

I woke up this morning, dying of some illness, but that's all irrelevant to the post. Anyway, in the middle of the night, as I couldn't sleep I was reading John Green's book Paper Towns. And there was a paragraph in it that struck me as profound. And I haven't been able to stop thinking about it.

We're living in the future.

What we do now is in preparation for the future. I'm going to school, I'm trying to do well.. In order to go to college and to get a good job, to earn money, to buy a nice house, to raise a family there, so my children grow up well, go to college get good jobs.. And the cycle goes on.. And on.. And on..

And what happens then? It's just struck me that I need to stop doing this. I know, you can say I'm only 17. But is it not better that I've realised this now, in stead of missing out on the prime of my youth? I need to stop working, and start having more fun. Obviously one needs to do work, and I do plan on going to college, not to get a good job, but because I want to.

I won't tell my parents this, because they'll accuse me of being lazy and just not wanting to work, but school is no longer my priority. Life is.

What if I die tomorrow? I've a list of 19 things I want to do, and I'll never get to do them. I'm taking the bull by it's horns from now on. Like, obviously some of the things I want to do are going to take a while (ie. become fluent in French) so if I died tomorrow I'd never get to do that anyway.

This post is so unstructured, but that's the way it is.

I thought I posted.. Maybe I didn't publish..

Yeah, I thought I posted a post about a week ago. Apparently I am unable to hit the orange "publish post" icon. Gah. So here I am anyway, sorry about that. I know I'm so terrible with blogging since I've come back (AND I'VE 58 FOLLOWERS. WTAF?! THANK YOU!). I will try fix this problem. Try. I've a lot of school work these days (FML). That's what you get for doing the leaving I suppose.



This song is a bit gas.. First up is English, and then it's Maths.. I could do Honours.. I should do Pass.


I saw a beggar today, who as I passed by said "Can you read this?" I turned around and read his sign, it said "Why lie? I need a drink." I laughed and gave him some change. It was a laugh anyway.