Hey stranger.

"Might be holding your hand, but I'm holding it loose. Got to talk then we choke, it's like our necks in a noose."

- Kickstarts by The Example.

I think the above sums up my current status on blogger. I'm never on, I don't read many other blogs any more, I don't post. I've just lost touch since I went away in summer.

However.. I have started a tumblr. I like it there. I can post short posts, and quotes (which I have a new obsession with now) and pictures. I like it. If you care to follow me, here is the link. http://cocacolacaliforniafreeze.tumblr.com/

I'll probably come back on here from time to time.. But still. Oh, and if you follow me on tumblr, I'll follow you back! :)

Taking the Bull By the Horns.

Today I told a boy something I should've told him three months ago. I told him that I loved him from the very first day.

He told me he's been planning to break up with me for a week.

The thing is though, that's why I said it. I knew I couldn't let this go til I told him. I knew something was up. I knew it was going to happen. I said to my best friend on the phone last night "some one's going to get dumped tomorrow". He said "No, no, usually when I break up with a girl we get closer, almost to make up for it". I told him, "Well, we'll see, won't we?".
We did.

I've come to realise, the rejection didn't hurt. I can't change his feelings. Although I don't think it was very nice of him to turn around and say "Well yeah, I've only ever sorta like you.." especially considering I let HIM pursue, not the other way around. He can't go back on that argument, I wouldn't have the balls to ask someone out. His feelings though, "are neither right nor wrong, they simply are".

Some parts of me are happy it's turned out this way, however lonely I feel right now.


On a side note, what kinda knob lets a girl go home from town on her own, late at night, the night before Hallowe'en, doesn't even bother to help her find her friends but then only texts her when he's on the way back from a club "oh sorry for blah blah blah" but not "oh did you get home okay?". He doesn't know that I did find my friends, or that I did get home okay. People sometimes.

I woke up this morning, dying of some illness, but that's all irrelevant to the post. Anyway, in the middle of the night, as I couldn't sleep I was reading John Green's book Paper Towns. And there was a paragraph in it that struck me as profound. And I haven't been able to stop thinking about it.

We're living in the future.

What we do now is in preparation for the future. I'm going to school, I'm trying to do well.. In order to go to college and to get a good job, to earn money, to buy a nice house, to raise a family there, so my children grow up well, go to college get good jobs.. And the cycle goes on.. And on.. And on..

And what happens then? It's just struck me that I need to stop doing this. I know, you can say I'm only 17. But is it not better that I've realised this now, in stead of missing out on the prime of my youth? I need to stop working, and start having more fun. Obviously one needs to do work, and I do plan on going to college, not to get a good job, but because I want to.

I won't tell my parents this, because they'll accuse me of being lazy and just not wanting to work, but school is no longer my priority. Life is.

What if I die tomorrow? I've a list of 19 things I want to do, and I'll never get to do them. I'm taking the bull by it's horns from now on. Like, obviously some of the things I want to do are going to take a while (ie. become fluent in French) so if I died tomorrow I'd never get to do that anyway.

This post is so unstructured, but that's the way it is.

I thought I posted.. Maybe I didn't publish..

Yeah, I thought I posted a post about a week ago. Apparently I am unable to hit the orange "publish post" icon. Gah. So here I am anyway, sorry about that. I know I'm so terrible with blogging since I've come back (AND I'VE 58 FOLLOWERS. WTAF?! THANK YOU!). I will try fix this problem. Try. I've a lot of school work these days (FML). That's what you get for doing the leaving I suppose.



This song is a bit gas.. First up is English, and then it's Maths.. I could do Honours.. I should do Pass.


I saw a beggar today, who as I passed by said "Can you read this?" I turned around and read his sign, it said "Why lie? I need a drink." I laughed and gave him some change. It was a laugh anyway.

An Actual Post!

So, back at the beginning of summer, Tuesday June 8 to be exact, I posted a list of things to do during the summer. Now, let's go through this list and see what I did.

Here it is:
What I did:
2. Go to three parties (minimum).

7. Go blonde. Or any random colour.

8. Take over 500 photos.

What I didn't do:
1. Study. (minimum five hours a week)
-All the Chem.
-French irregular present tense verbs, past tense, and future tense.
-Rewrite both Biology hardbacks.
-Wuthering Heights quotes.
-Learn off Poetry.
-Revise maths.
-Learn anything to do with Irish. I will settle for ANYTHING.
-Revise music.


3. Have a movie night.

4. Host a sleepover.

5. Go to a sleepover.

6. Go to the beach. Regularly.

9. Save €100.

10. Finish my Legacy.

11. Go swimming once a week.

To be quite honest, I'm dissappointed with myself, not that I feel I wasted my summer, I didn't AT ALL. Loved almost every minute of it. But I'm annoyed I couldn't even do a simple 11 task list. They were easy too, it's not like I had something wild on it that I wouldn't have been able to do, I just didn't bother doing any of it. Oh well, I survived!

I'm back at school now, trying to get back into the swing of things. It's really hard though and not to mention the fact that my immune system is down BIGTIME now (I'm currently off school sick, honestly I've never felt this sick in my life!) and I'm constantly "suffering" from a cold at the very least. I think I've a virus right now, but then again, I'm not a doctor, so don't hold me to that one!

Sometime, in the depts of winter, I'll look back on my photos from the summer, upload them to here and talk about just how spectacular it was. :) <3

So here I am.

It's been a while Blogger, hasn't it? I'm sorry for being neglectful, I really am. It's just when I came home I was so out of touch with the world. I had little to no contact with the outside world, aside from the odd text conversation or phone call with a friend (there was no time, and.. I didn't care). I remember one night when the Bean an Tí's (woman we were staying with) daughter let us use her laptop and I got my Facebook fix.
It was quite strange being away, I wanted so badly to get away from home, away from my friends and just away from my life in general. Now I'm back. It's strange anyway.

Again, I'm sorry about the lack of posting, I'll try catch up and fill you all in!
Hope you're all doing well!
-Ailish.

home.

Thank lord I'm home.
I'll update you all at a later stage.

I just had, by far, the best (and most tiring and most eventful and most EVERYTHING) three weeks of my life. It's still good to be home.